Stop Normalising Shame | Diaries of a Working Creative

I was talking to my dad the other day who’s 72. And he was saying that -

‘The great thing about getting older, is that you realise it’s OK to speak less, and listen more.’

This shift in perspective—from the self as the focus towards others and a shared reality—is something I’m trying to move through myself at the moment too.

Self-Portrait, Francis Bacon (1969)

Maybe I’m too far away now to accurately depict it. But if I could draw a diagram of where my thinking was in my 20s, the nucleus of that consciousness would’ve sat directly behind my eyes, and the focus of that thinking would’ve been trapped within that limited, singular perspective.

Recently I’ve been realising how necessary it is to escape the controlling narratives of that “I”-focused perspective, and to become more interested in the chasms of difference between my own experience and others

This isn’t some kind of virtue signalling ethical argument either. It’s an escape valve - offering a chance of relief from the overbearing state which constant ‘I’ness wishes to bring.

Three Studies for Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion, Francis Bacon (1944)

The practices that help me stay on-board with this widening sense of reality, are based in mindfulness and meditation.

In meditation we recognise the limits of the egoic, storytelling self, that sits inside our heads. We learn to listen to it, as opposed to react, and become less interested in what it’s telling us, and more interested in why…

If there was a single word that could net together all the thoughts that come up for me in meditation, a single emotional tone which underlies all this internal noise, honestly, that word would be shame.

Francis Bacon, Head III (1949)

Whether it’s simple logistical things that I need to do, and feel threatened if I don’t, or the deeper identity attacks, the controlling narratives all seem to hide within those shame based shadows.

I think it’s quite obvious where a lot of this shame comes from too. As human beings are formed, it’s necessary for this disparate set of individuals to be socialised into groups and settings where the expressions and needs of said persons are brought into line with the group requirements.

School classes, birthday parties, and the more complex group dynamics we face as adults - shame is the way we are taught, then teach ourselves, to be normal enough to survive and exist socially.

But as I move into the next stage of my life, I’m trying to realise that perhaps I don’t have to carry these relatively extreme, protective, shame-based narratives in my head all the time - and can try to reparent myself towards a method based in greater trust, and more compassion.

Konoe Nobutada (1565-1614)- Meditating Daruma. The text reads: “Quietness and emptiness are enough to pass through life without error.”

I heard a story about a tribe called the Bemba tribe in Zambia, which might help us consider the reparenting we’re looking for here. When a member of the Bemba tribe does something inconsiderate or irresponsible, instead of being abandoned or punished, the other members form a circle around that individual, and praise them for two days - reminding them of all the things that are lovable and helpful and beautiful about them.

Here we recognise the more nourishing framework we might want to build within our own heads. And identify two things that might stand in for the opposite of shame here - a sense of belonging, and a surrounding circle of unconditional love.

Monkey Reaching for a Reflection of the Moon in the Waves, Kanō Tsunenobu (1700)

How’s all this feel to you?

As artists and creatives, these internal mechanisms are so important. And these engines behind our thinking can shape not only the wider risks we might take on our journey, but the decisions we make in our work at the sentence, or brush stroke level.

Where a conscious mind constructed around shame will constantly try to control what hits the page. We need that quiet basis of unconditional love - to open up the city gates, and allow the expression to flow-out freely.

Hemingway famously said: write drunk, edit sober. But for the more holistically minded artist, we might work to release the controlling barriers of our frontal cortex through self-compassion and a sense of deep belonging first.

Doorway to the other place, Luke Owen (2018 -19) https://lukeowenart.com/gallery/doorways/

This Creative Minds community have aligned recently with the work I’ve done around Zen, including reference to Rick Rubin’s approach to creative practice. And if there’s a single sentence we could write about this kind of approach, it might be that it centres -

a practice based in love, and the natural productivity of the mindful, loving human being, as opposed to one based in shame, and the self-flagellating activities of the never-good-enough approach.

For me, this is honestly a question of quality and experience. And as a committed artist, who also doesn’t wish to spend his entire life pushing others away in search for better work - the road I’m trying to walk becomes simple.

Peace ✌️

Will

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Hey, I’m experimenting with these journal pieces around my creative work. I want to keep a record and track of some of the process and some of how I’m trying to keep more mindful with things. If you got this far, thanks for being here. And power to your own work too.

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